Good Times
by Bralt
Summary: A bunch of jokes turned into stories. Mostly features Will. Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I read these jokes on Arya Daeriel's profile and I got permission to write stories about them. I hope you enjoy!**

**Joke: Halt asked Will, "Where do you want to go for your birthday?"  
>Will said, "Somewhere I have never been!"<br>So Halt told him, "How about the cemetery?"**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters.**

Will walked to the cabin humming a birthday song for himself. He wasn't expecting anything special for his birthday. It had even started out normal with Halt making him practice then sending him to get groceries. He walked to the door and shifted the groceries so he could open the door with his free hand.

"Happy Birthday Will!" All of his friends from the ward jumped out from hiding spaces in the cabin as he walked in.

He smiled and put the groceries down. "You guys didn't have to do any of this!" Will looked around at the decorations and smiled even wider when he saw the cake Jenny had made for the occasion. "How did you get Halt to let you do this?" His friends crowded around him and smiled.

"I was technically forced. You really can't say no to these people." Halt walked out of his bedroom with a frown on his face. "And the noise they made setting up was so loud I was surprised you didn't hear it from town." Will just smiled.

"Thank you for all of this." Will looked at his ring of friends. "Well, what're we waiting for? Let's start eating!"

"You have to put away the groceries first," Halt said.

"Fine with me."

Will went about putting things away while his friends and Halt went and sat at the table which was seriously crowded when they had all got settled. When Will had finished, he sat down between Halt and Alyss with a smile. They sang Happy Birthday and he blew out the candles. Jenny started handing out slices and Will got his first. When Halt was offered some, he shook his head.

"He just blew spit all over it and you want me to eat it?" They laughed but Halt looked serious.

Next were the presents. Horace gave him a new quiver full of arrows. Jenny gave him some pies. George gave him a set of quills and Alyss gave him a bag of coffee. When it was Halt's turn, they all looked at him and he looked right back.

"Was I supposed to get him something? I already let him live here and, no matter how much I want to sometimes, I haven't given him a good thwack on the head." Halt shrugged.

"You didn't get your own apprentice a present?" Horace asked with disbelief. "Even Sir Rodney gives us a day off."

"How about I take you someplace?" Halt asked. He could deal with that. Will would probably ask to go to the inn or something for dinner.

"Okay!" Will said energetically.

"Well where do you want to go?" Halt was still expecting the inn.

"Someplace I've never been," Will said thoughtfully.

"How about the cemetery? You've never been there." Even Halt smiled at the expression on Will's face.

"That's horrible! Why would you ever take me there? Especially for my Birthday!" Will looked around at his smiling friends and seemed to realize that his leg was being pulled.

"Well you've never been there before and the quiet is very nice. It's the quietest place I know of." Halt looked at Will with a straight face but Will began cracking up with his friends.

**Please review and I'll review your stories. I have more chapters coming up and the more you review, the faster I write.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters.**

**Joke: If a Scotti and a Skandian were drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do: read Ranger's Weekly or drink coffee?**

"Come on you twit! Come at me!" Toshak yelled at General MacHaddish.

The two men were circling each other by the coast of Seacliff. Halt and Will watched them from the backs of Abelard and Tug. MacHaddish and Toshak had started fighting when Toshak docked his ship on the Picta coast. He got away before MacHaddish could ransack his ship but the Scotti had followed him in his own ship. They had docked along Seacliff to once and for all deal with each other.

"You first you big bellied pirate!" MacHaddish yelled. Will knew from experience that despite his size, MacHaddish was a very worthy opponent. But he had never seen a Skandian lose.

"My pleasure," Toshak said in a low growl. He lunged forward towards the Scotti but MacHaddish took two steps backward.

Toshak landed on his stomach in ankle deep water. MacHaddish was swimming towards his docked ship that had floated a few feet farther off the coast then when he had docked it. Toshak chased him. Will looked at Halt and then at the two men running to their ships.

"They do know that the bottom drops off and goes down a few hundred feet in another foot or so from where they are, right?" Halt tilted his head and studied them.

"No, I don't believe they do. And at the rate their going, they should meet that drop right about…" There was a sudden sound of splashing, and then two figures came up spluttering and yelling. "Now. What do we do now?" Halt looked at Will.

"Who do we save?" Will glanced at the two men. They didn't look like good swimmers.

"That isn't what I said. I asked you what we do now. Do we drink coffee or do we read Rangers Weekly?" Halt looked serious.

"But we have to save them!"

"Do you really have any warm feelings towards either one of those men?" Will shook his head. "Then we don't need to save them. Now, do you want coffee or Rangers Weekly?" Will considered a moment.

"Coffee. Let's go back to the cabin. I just refilled my supply yesterday." Will turned Tug around and he and Halt rode back to the cabin.

**Please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters**

**Q:**** What was the first thing your apprentice said to you when he saw you this morning?  
><strong>**A:**** He said, "Where am I, Gilan?"  
><strong>**Q:**** And why did that upset you?  
><strong>**A:**** My name is Halt.**

Will stirred on the couch and Halt walked over to him. The other day Will had gotten a nasty bump while hunting. He had been stalking his prey but he wasn't paying attention and he smacked his head on a tree, he had fallen unconscious at the impact and Halt had carried him back to the cabin. Will had slept through the night and now most of the morning. Halt walked over to him.

"How are you feeling?" Will just nodded so Halt handed him a plate full of eggs. "You got a nasty bump on the head but you should live." Halt kneeled down beside the couch. "Need anything else Will? Don't be afraid to ask."

"Just one question." Halt nodded encouragement. "Where am I, Gilan?" Halt froze while Will kept eating.

"What did you say?" Halt asked, hoping for a different question.

"I asked you were I was." Will took a sip of coffee.

"I know that, but what did you call me?"

"I called you by your name, Gilan." Will looked up in confusion. "You are Gilan aren't you?" Halt shuddered.

"Believe me when I say that I'm not and don't ever want to be." Halt thought for a moment. "I'm Halt. Does that ring a bell?"

"You're funny Gil, you know that?" Will went back to eating with a smile.

"Be right back." Halt stood and walked out of the cabin. He saddled Abelard and rode for the castle.

He took the stairs to the baron's office two at a time then burst into the room. "I need the best doctor you got!"

"And why would that be? You look to be in fine condition," Arald said, ignoring the rude way Halt had entered.

"Because Will got hit on the head and now he's seriously messed up. You should have heard what Will said to me this morning!" Halt sat down across from the baron's desk.

"Well I give up, what did he say?" Arald leaned back in his chair. He didn't seem to get the problem.

"He said, 'Where am I, Gilan?' then he acted like I actually was Gilan." Halt shook his head.

"And why does that worry you?" Arald was smiling.

"Because I'm Halt! if I were Gilan, I don't know what I'd do! Now can I have that doctor?"

"Why of course, I'll send him immediately." The baron smiled and Halt left. "Wonder what Halt will do when he realizes Will is faking." Arald chuckled and called for his doctor.

**Remember to review and I'll review one of your stories**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I think we all know by now that I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters**

**Halt:**** Will, give me a sentence starting with "I".  
><strong>**Will:**** I is...  
><strong>**Halt:**** No, Will. Always say, "I am..."  
><strong>**Will:**** All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."**

**Halt: ****If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?  
><strong>**Will:**** Big hands!**

Halt and Will sat at the table in the kitchen of the cabin. Halt was trying to teach Will what he would have learned in school, had he ever gone. Will knew how to read and how to count but he lacked the full knowledge of the language and how to do addition. His social studies wasn't terrible but he got his kings and eras mixed up sometimes.

"Okay Will, let's focus." Halt spoke as if speaking to a small child. Will had been getting distracted and kept missing what Halt was trying to teach him. "Can you tell me when King Duncan took the throne?"

"When you and Crowley restored the Corps." Will said absently. Halt shook his head in despair, this was getting hopeless.

"How about we go onto math?" Will shrugged. "Can you tell me what one plus one is?"

"Halt, I'm not an idiot. One plus one is three." Will smiled and Halt smacked his forehead.

Halt went over to a basket by the door and pulled out a bunch of fruit and set it on the table. He sat down and arranged the fruit into groups in front of Will. "Okay, say I have seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?" Halt spoke slowly making sure every syllable was heard.

Will studied the fruit. "I don't see why you had to get fruit out for this, the answer is quite simple. You would have big hands if you had seven oranges in one hand and eight in the other." Halt smacked his head on the table and Will watched with concern. "Was I wrong?"

"Moving on!" Halt said in an aggravated voice. Will was confused, for the life of him he couldn't figure out why his mentor was so distressed. "Give me a sentence starting with I."

"Okay. I is…"

"No! That is wrong. Always say 'I am'. Otherwise it isn't proper grammar." Halt shook his head. He was remembering why he had never fancied the idea of becoming a teacher.

"All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." Will watched as his mentor stood and smacked his head against a nearby wall. "Is something wrong Halt?"

"I rather shoot myself in the head with a quiver full of arrows than try and teach you! In fact, I might just go and do that." Halt looked at the door with a thoughtful face.

"How about I make you some coffee instead?" Will rose to his feet and lead Halt back to his chair. Obviously, hitting his head so much had made him unstable.

**Remember to review and I'll review one of your stories**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters**

**Just after Evanlyn had been fired by Borsa, she took out 10 dollars and gave it to Will's dog, Shadow.  
>When Borsa asked her why, she replied, "I never forget a friend. That was for helping me to clean the dishes all the time!"<strong>

"Evanlyn! Come here!" Borsa yelled.

Cassandra had come to Skandia with Halt and Will for a mission. While they were off doing Ranger stuff and whatnot, she had resumed her former identity and decided to take up a job at the Oberjarl's hall again. She turned to face the man.

"What? What now?" She yelled. It was these times that reminded her why she hated working.

"I don't like that tone miss." He looked at her. Something seemed different from the last time she had been here as a slave under Ragnak's time of ruling. "In fact, I don't like how you've been handling things around here at all." The hilfmann tilted his head and waited for a reaction.

"What do you mean? I've done everything to the best of my ability and then some!" Cassandra, or Evanlyn as he knew her, exploded. She didn't know how she had tolerated this last time.

"Well then your ability is very poor as a standard. I have to admit, you were better the last time you worked here." He smiled inwardly. He loved to tease the slaves and anger them.

"Then I quit!" She dropped the dishes and watched Borsa as they clattered to the floor.

"You can't quit because I'm firing you." Borsa put on a smug face. "But before that happens, pick up these dishes up."

"No." She gave a low whistle and stood there for a moment. Shadow appeared next to her and she pulled ten dollars out of her pocket and tucked it under Shadow's collar. "Good bye." She turned to leave but the hilfmann put a hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Why did you do that? It's a dog, it won't be buying anything." He looked at her confused.

"Oh that? I never forget a friend. That was her payment for helping me clean the dishes all the time." She smiled and turned away again. The hilfmann stopped her again.

"You did what?" He said with disbelief.

"Shadow helped me clean the dishes. She loved to lick the gravy and meat scraps that you Skandians leave on the plates." Evanlyn removed Borsa's hand from her shoulder and walked away smiling.

"That's disgusting! Why would you even dare to do that?" Borsa yelled after her in an angry frenzy.

Cassandra just smiled wider. She had never dreamed that a Skandian would tell her something was gross or go into a frenzy about it. Looking back on it, she didn't regret the move one bit.

**Remember to review and I'll review one of your stories**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ranger's Apprentice or any of its characters**

**Pauline:**** Do you want dinner?  
><strong>**Halt: ****What are my choices?  
><strong>**Pauline:**** Yes and no.**

Halt walked into the apartment he shared with his wife and slumped down in a chair by the table. She set down a mug of coffee in front of him and he smiled.

"Welcome back home." She smiled and sat down across from him.

"Glad to be back. It's hard not having decent cup of coffee on the road. it isn't the same as when I make it here. And I really missed sleeping in a bed." He pretended to think for a moment. "And then there is the fact that you aren't there." He half smiled as she put her hand on top of his.

"I hate to sound mean, but the castle seems a lot more peaceful without you here. There aren't that many reports of nobles being thrown in moats and everybody seems to be happier. I suppose your grimness isn't there to influence other's feelings." She smiled and he grunted.

"Some of these people need to be grimmer. The stable boy just doesn't shut up sometimes." Halt shook his head.

"So did you miss dinners on your trip?"

"Almost as much as I missed you. I couldn't light a fire if I wanted my head intact when I woke up. I have to say, jerky and stale bread gets to be gruesome after a while." Halt scowled. He hated long trips.

"Do you want supper?" She removed her hand from his and stood.

"What are my choices?" Halt looked up at her.

"Yes or no." She smiled again and his eyebrows rose.

"What kind of choices are those?"

"Well if you don't want anything…"

"Yes, yes, yes. I do want supper. I would like something besides stale bread if you could help it." He looked at his empty mug. "Could you add coffee to that order?"

"You drink that stuff like it's going out of style. It can't be healthy." She shook her head and walked towards the kitchen.

"I've been doing it all my life and I'm perfectly fine." He crossed his arms.

"And we all know that that's a long time." She held in a laugh as he huffed. "And maybe a side effect of too much coffee is grimness."

"How did we get onto this subject?"

"You're the one that brought up coffee."

**Remember to review and I'll review one of your stories**


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